THOSE TATTOOS THAT HAVE AN ANCHOR AND SAY ‘I REFUSE TO SINK’ ARE SO STUPID DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT ANCHORS ARE LITERALLY SUPPOSED TO SINK THAT’S THE POINT OF THEM IF YOU WANT A TATTOO THAT SAYS THAT MAKE THE PICTURE BE OF A POOL NOODLE OR SOME FLOATIES OR SOMETHING
June 2013
I want to touch
every inch
of your bare skin
with my lips
and fingertips.
I want you
under my covers.
I want me
under you.
I want to feel your breath
on my neck
as I gasp for mine
and grasp for your hands
and face
and body.
I want to lie naked
next to your sleeping soul.
I want you entirely.
Rant
I don’t understand guys. At all. They’re like, “oh you’re perfect just how you are.” Then they fucking drool over girls in vs magazines and girls on TV. Some guys have called me chubby, some say I’m skinny which I even know is some fucking bull shit. My ex made me feel so bad. Even though I liked him so so much. He was a soccer player so he has an amazing body. He loves skinny athletic girls. He would always say, ” you’re not fat. You’re just out of shape and not athletic.” He never really complimented my body and I’m almost positive he was ashamed of me. Sitting down next to him was hell because it was so obvious my thighs were bigger than his. He couldn’t even slide his hand up my legs without me having to move them apart. In jeans. Just recently he favorited a picture of a girl bragging about the start to her thigh gap. I’m five fucking feet tall. I don’t have a shape. I’m just fat. I don’t have curves or the right proportions. I sent pictures to a guy once and he said he couldn’t get off because my thighs were too big and that just turned him off. Being short is fucking hell sometimes. All of my fat goes to my stomach ass and thighs. My thighs are fucking massive. Even now. Still. I weigh about 124. They’re so goddamn flabby and covered in stretch marks. Yes. I fucking have stretch marks and cellulite. I don’t believe compliments. Guys are fucking lying to me when they say I’m beautiful or sexy. It’s fucking lies. They just want to have sex turn the lights off and think of someone else. I’m not fucking stupid. I know how it goes. My ex straight up told me he just doesn’t have feelings for anymore. I can almost bet that if I was skinner and sexier he wouldn’t have lost feelings. My goal for this summer is 110. Whether I can get there I don’t know. But I will try. I’ve got to fucking stop eating and run or work out until I’m about to pass out. I wanted to add hydroxcut to the mix but I’m afraid if I stopped talking them all the weight would come back. I just want to think that IM sexy and skinny. I know guys are lying when they tell me that right now. I know they’re lying. I want to actually be able to know a compliment is true and meaningful. Not just empty false words.
